Friday, September 28, 2012

STMMDT (on Friday because I suck)

I don't entirely suck, yesterday was my birthday and I had taken the day off to spend with C, and just be lazy. He ended up having to work, and I ended up taking the new puppy to the vet. He has parvo, and is currently receiving IV fluids and care at the vets office. I then got to spend my day bleaching the entire house to kill that stupid shitty virus, so that if he makes it through we can bring him home and not have him get sick again. He's doing ok, and we caught it really early, so he's looking like he'll pull through. I sure hope so due to the amount of upset I was over him yesterday, which is totally unlike me, but apparently I'm emotional in my 30s.

Anyways...back on track...

I'm going to mix old with new for this weeks shitty thing/s my mom did. As I said numerous times, yesterday was my birthday. One particular birthday sticks out in my head. The year I turned 13. My parents had just separated earlier in the summer and my mom hadn't seen or spoken (or tried to speak to me) to me since. Doing the awesome motherly thing, she sent me a card. It couldn't just be a normal birthday card no, she had to add her own personal flair to it. From the outside it looked normal, it wasn't a mushy card nor all that funny, just a normal happy birthday card that looked innocent enough. I was a kid, so you know it was all about the money for me anyways. I read the front, opened it up, saw no money and kept reading.

When I got to the bottom I noticed she'd written me a note. Sweet right? Reach out to your daughter on her birthday, tell her you love her and you miss her....that's what you'd think right? Not my mom. Nope. Instead she told me how shitty she thought my dad was. How he sucked as a father (totally not true because he'd always done everything for me) and how could I go with him?. Then she said happy birthday, and that was it.

I kept that card for a long time, and I would tell you all what it said exactly except I can't remember anymore, and when I finally cleaned out all of my shit in storage I finally threw it away. I didn't need it as a reminder any more as to how crappy she was, because she was and still is giving me plenty of reasons to remember. I will always remember that card to some extent though, and I'll always remember that particular birthday.

Fast forward to this year. My dad, my brother, my sister, and most of my friends called or texted to tell me happy birthday. The honeybadger had a soccer game last night, and my mom and stepdad always come. It was raining so she couldn't be bothered to get out of the truck so she watched from there. Even though it has stopped raining before the game ended she didn't get out, and didn't make any effort to get out and see the kids or me afterwards. So as we were going to the car I sent the kids over to tell them bye. The princess comes back and says "granny said happy birthday". Really? She couldn't even be bothered to walk 10 yards and say it herself? Or pick up the phone even? Why bother? I mean I'm 30 years old, happy birthdays don't really matter and I don't get upset if people forget. Hell I don't even get upset if I don't get presents, and everybody loves presents. I feel as if I'll always tell my kids happy birthday though, for as many years as I'm able too. And probably get them cards....none of which will ever say horrible things.

1 comment:

  1. I have to say I really admire you. As I've told you before my mom is very similar to yours but mine started being this way after I moved out and got married. Maybe she hates my husband, maybe she hates this world who knows and who cares. When I was a kid she was good to me. Didn't spend too much time with me because she always worked but she was good to me when she was home. I think that is maybe why I'm so upset with her and try not to have contact with her because it seemed all of sudden I was a trash and didn't deserve her love anymore. Anyway the reason I admire you is that you are still in contact with your mom. I can't say weather I would or wouldn't be in contact with mine if she was the way she is to me now my whole life but I do think its very commendable of you to keep in contact with your mom. I can assume that its not easy but I guess we all have to do what we have to to survive.