Thursday, September 20, 2012


This weeks shitty thing my mom did is a recent one. As in this week recent. I've accepted that this is just how she is. She's never going to be different, she either doesn't care or just can't help it. Probably the first one. Even though I know this, it doesn't stop it from stinging just a little bit when she acts like she does. I just put on my big girl panties and deal with it. I shoot her a look and walk away, and curse her when I get to the car, or whenever I get out of earshot of her. I accepted that she's always going to do shitty things and piss me off. Whatever.

She's always acted like I owed her something. Like I'm not the kid she wanted, so I need to make up for it in some way. On top of that she's always been ungrateful of things I have done for her, like buying her shit for her birthday, or Christmas, or just because. It's never oh thank you, gosh I just love's usually more like, well you could've (fill in the blank).

This week was no different. While at our local flea market, we stop to talk to some people that C knows. While talking I notice some plates and coffee cups that match a set we had when I was little. A set that I know is no longer complete. This set to be exact:

We had that set, and a set with a blue pattern. Both of which I know my mom still has, because at one point I asked if I could have them. She told me no.

I paid the lady $2, and we left the proud new owners of 4 Corelle pieces. C asked me what I got them for, and I told him we were going to give them to my mom, since I know she has some like it. Nice enough right? So Sunday we take them by after we pick up the kids. We walk in and C hands her the bag, and she's like "what is this stuff?" She opens the bag and then proceeds to tell me that, she does NOT have any of this pattern stuff. "Your daddy took all of that set when he left, what I have is blue, and that doesn't match anything I own!" Really? Hmmm.

First of all, I know her statement about my dad isn't true. I left when he did, and I now own all of the dinnerware he's had since then. Second, while this conversation was going on my stepdad was sitting on the other side of the couch, eating a bowl of soup. Out of a bowl that looked just like this:

Even my stepdad looked at her like she was nuts. Because well, she is. And she can't even admit when she's wrong. Still oblivious to the bowl she was. I asked her if what she said was the case, and my dad took "all of that when we left", then how come her husband was currently eating out of a bowl that matched that stuff. She looked over, saw the bowl, and said "oh", and then started talking to the kids to divert from the subject. Never a oops, or a sorry, or a I fucked up and was wrong, nothing. Not even a thank you for her new plates and cups. I'm not even sure why I half expected one. I should just always know better, she's never going to magically be different.

Anyways, I hope she enjoys them, and the rest of her set that she has but doesn't admit to. And I'm glad that I didn't spend any more than $2 on her. I mean is it really that hard to say thank you? To be grateful for something, no matter how big or small? To appreciate shit that people do that they don't have to, or do just because they think you'll enjoy it? Obviously I was wrong thinking she'd see it as a nice gesture or that she'd find something nice to say about it. I don't know why I even let it bother me, but it always does. Every. Single. Time.

This probably seems really petty and stupid, and it kind of is. Interacting with her is challenging for me. There's always tension between us and there probably always will be, no matter how hard I try. She's my mother, and I do my best to have some kind of relationship with her, but it's totally one sided. I try to deal with it, for the sake of my kids at least. For the most part she's good to them, and I want them to have a relationship with all of their grandparents while they can. But it's very hard for me at times.


  1. Girl, I am so glad I found you on the HOP. I could write a dissertation on this - way too long for a comment section. I. feel. your. pain. No, it is not petty. At least not to someone who has lived it on some level. This post hits me where I live first because those are my mom's plates too. I grew up with them and because my mom and I also have a tense relationship and she will never changed. Lord knows I've tried. It was really thoughtful of you to get her the plates. I do things like that for my mom too. And I've finally come to the realization that I've been doing it in the hopes that she'd finally wake up and start appreciating it. She won't. So when I do them, I go in expecting she will react the same way and anything different will be a pleasant surprise. Years of therapy have taught me this lesson. I think the story of the plates and the pattern is so appro po and symbolic because you're talking about a pattern of behavior from your mother. And it sucks, it really does. You're doing the right thing making sure your kids have a relationship with all their grandparents nonetheless. It's not easy. You do this feature every week? I'll be back, sistuh, I'll be back. The internet is a bounty of therapy and support, ain't it though?

    1. It's so nice to know you're not alone isn't it? The internet is full of support I never knew I would have, and it's so nice.

      I did the first post last week. It started as one entry about my mom. Then when i realized that one would turn into a novel I decided I probably had enough content to do a running feature, so here we go with week two. At least I know on Thursday's I'll always have something to write about!

  2. Oh wow, SO sorry to read this BUT have to say it sounds like we have the same mother. WTH? Or had. Haven't talked to mine for about 11 years. Her choice, not mine.

  3. OMG are you sure we don't have the same mother that goes from my house to yours and didn't tell us that we're long lost sisters...LOL. My mother is so much like yours. So self involved and selfish I sometimes wonder if she hates me. The worst part is that I don't think she even realizes how she treates me. I try to avoid talking and seeing her only when its not avoidable. I just don't understand parents like them. My kids are my world and can't ever see myself treating them the way she treats me. Its good to know that I'm not the only one.

    Also, I've just started my own blog so when you have a moment stop by and leave any comments and suggestions. I'm very new to this and I'm still learning how to do everything I would like my blog to represent.